to this:

Hello, First Grade! Not sure how it happened, but I sure have enjoyed the ride.

Seriously, I am taking suggestions on how this happened? I want to KNOW!

Some days are harder than others. Today I almost cried as I left you to go to work. How my heart breaks, to think that I might have been breaking yours. I know it is a good thing for you to go to school and to play and interact with the other kids, but my heart breaks when I see you by the gate, reaching for me. Crying for me. I want to run to you. I want to make it all better and make the world right with you.

Those are the days that I don’t want to go to work. That I want to shut the world out and hold you as long as you want me to. Those are the days that I want to ignore all the other demands in my world and just focus on you. I want you to know that I wish that I could. But I can’t. I have responsibilities to other people besides you and how I wish I did not some days, I do. And so I put on a smile. I wave, I flash you our sign, (the “I love you” sign) and I know that we will be OK. For I will come to pick you up and hold you like I never left and hope you understand the choices I make.

I love how big the helmet is on little R….a true picture of, “Hold on Dawgs, I’m comin’!!”

Enjoy!

*Oh man, I am so far behind. My posts will be slightly bit out of order. But I have to start with a birthday post for my little man!

Today, my baby, you turn 3 years old. I hope someday you read this and know that I write so I can remember to tell you all about you and that you are not embarrassed by it. You are the most fun little boy. I experience 3 with you, as I did 2, with a bittersweet happiness. I am so happy to see you grow and change, but it is so bittersweet to me, as I know this is the last time I will see this age with a child that I made.

Making you was one of the best things I’ve ever been privileged to do. You are so smart and funny, you make me smile every day. Little things I need to remember about you now:

• You love your Allie, like no other toy. He has adventures with you, goes to school with you, and sleeps with you each night. If ever a toy was Real, I have come to believe he is it.
• You love to watch Harry Potter.
• You love to play with your Star Wars ships and figures. You talk non-stop about Star Wars and who fought who and who won. Most the time I agree with you as I have no idea.
• You like to listen to your songs (the radio) and you tell me to turn it when it is a song you do not like.
• You cuddle and play the kiss me game with me.
• You recite the Going to Bed book with me every night. Even with my inflections…”big Annnnnddd small” – this I love.
• Speaking a bedtime rituals, you like for me to tell you, “you have my heart, it’s in your heart” and that “sweet dreams are here to stay”. I love these simple moments we have together.
• You are pretty easy-going, but when you want your way, you can be the MOST STUBBORN child ever. This is just like your Daddy (wink).

I am just SO damn lucky to have you in my life. You bring me laughter, and smiles. You make me grateful for this last chance to experience the world through your eyes and you make me want to be not only a better person, but a better mother each day. So my wish to you on this your birthday, is that I hope all your wishes and dreams come true, you deserve it.

Love, Mama

You can see the whole set here. Enjoy!

I want to appreciate the summer.

I want to get out more.

I want to stop being so angry.

I feel like the summer is rushing by and I have not done the things I wanted to do – get out on more walks, run more, go to the pool with the kids more, go to the park more.

And I know I should not let this stuff get me down or worry about it. I know in the big scheme of things these people are angry and my life is actually going OK. My niece seems to be more settled in, my boys are my joy, and my husband is so very patient and understanding of me. I just still feel stuck.

I pick up this guy this weekend. He’ll have been gone from me for about 2 weeks. I miss him more than I thought I would. Oh I know, this time away has been great for him. I know he’s been spreading his wings and taking in some new found independence. I just can’t wait to hug him and I plan to keep on hugging him – as much as he’ll let me, so you hardly at all. But to have that laughter echoing throughout the house, makes my heart jump and I can’t help but smile.

So how has your summer been going?

This picture screams summer to me and brings back so many good memories from our trip to Atlanta. And what’s funny is that we are soon going to Atlanta to see family and meet the new niece. To make more memories. But I couldn’t leave this post without posting up some of my favorite moments from that trip in 2007…

Getting some Aunt A lovin’…

Nothing like sharing a beer with family…

Goofy summer grins, what could be better?

So here we come Atlanta, ready for some more magical summer moments…

And ending the year with good friends and smiles – is just how it should be.

See the whole shebang, right over here. Enjoy!

Do you ever have a picture in your mind how you’d like a holiday to unfold? What you’d like to see happen? I do- I think we all picture the iconic “holiday” moments and hope that we have them, in this way, these moments help us have memorable holidays. One of the best 4th’s of July I’ve ever had was last year. We were at the beach and we had my mom and her family (they lived there) and our good friend’s from Atlanta, were with us. We had a great big cookout. The boys handled most of it for us and we just assembled the plates and drinks. We ate outside on big picnics tables. There was much laughter and talking around the tables that evening.

As the light began to fade from the sky, we decided to hit the beach for the fireworks. We drove up the way a bit, hunted for places to park and found our spot. We dragged the kids and blankets and cameras out and settled in. As we waited we chatted and had to entertain the kids – they we antsy for the fireworks.

Finally full dark and the fireworks started, we chatted with our friends and sat there admiring the fireworks. C fell asleep, R loved the loud bangs, La was in awe. It was amazing to be there – to deal with the pains of parking, walking, entertaining kids – for the 20 minutes minutes of seeing the fireworks over the water. It was spectacular and a memory I’ll always have.

One that I hope gets repeated! What made it memorable was not the place, but the people. It was magic hanging there with our friends watching the show.

What was your best 4th?

To the man that makes me laugh, that holds me close, that gives me kisses, I hope you have the best day.

To the man that is the best father to my kids, that is strong through all of our life changes, I hope you have the best day.

To the man, that goes to the soccer games, the school pick ups, the work from homes, I hope you have the best day.

I hope you know how appreciated and loved you are, by all of us.

Even by the dog.

Happy Birthday, babe!