Move along. That’s what I do each day. I get up and I move us, me and the kids, along to whatever various things that we need to get to like school and work and then I come home and I move along to dinner and then the after dinner move along to hanging out with the kids reading or playing or whatever. Then we move the kids (the little ones) along to bed. Then, generally, I crash. I want to veg out and watch t.v. or read or go to bed myself and not think or worry.
Most days I want to go to bed because I am so worn out. Going to work and acting like a normal human is wearing on me. I can’t seem to get into a groove yet and my working out is completely out the window, except for the few times I’ve forced it on myself.
I want to move along and be able to hang out with friends and laugh and cry and whatever, and it sounds good to me in theory, but the actual follow through of getting out of the house, has not happened yet. I am too tired and hesitant to actually get out there with them.
Every day I wake up with a headache, and I feel myself waiting to see if it’s a “bad” one or not. If I can get out of bed or not. Some days, I wish for a bad one, because staying in bed sounds just perfect to me. But I can’t. I have to move along to work. I have to move along for my family.
My friends are checking on me, which is so wonderful and nice, and asking me if I am OK and what they can do to help. I have no idea what to say. On the one hand, I feel fine. You know other than the tired and the worry that constantly plagues me. And I have no idea what to say to people who want to help us. I am so grateful to know that so many are thinking of us and want to help, but I don’t know what to tell them to do. Can you ask friends to hold a worry or two for you? Too much to ask?
I stole this from a a good friend’s blog today:
“Hope is important because it can make the present moment easier to bear … if we believe tomorrow will be better, we can bear the hardship of today.”
Because I too, have hope that things will become easier to bear and that in the meantime, my friends understand why I haven’t moved along from the house.
L – Your “good friend” sounds like a genius ( : And know that ALL your friends will be there for you when you are ready to hang out and laugh and cry and whatever — whenever that might be. In one day, one month, one year. That is what friends are for. To be there for you when you need them and love you unconditionally. Which so many of us do. There are brighter days ahead, I know it. Huge hugs to you, my good friend – J
Sounds like you are being a superhero right now, even if you don’t know it, and it doesn’t feel like it. Maybe your friends can help with little things, taking the kids for an hour or two, making a dinner, etc. Make sure to take good care of YOURSELF in this tough time!
